Women have Expiration Dates?

I put up a post on Facebook a few days ago challenging society against putting pressure on women to get married. It took me a while to consider even writing that, because I knew it could be easily taken out of context. However, I also felt in my heart that I needed to speak up. Being the self-proclaimed older sister (got chu fam!), I had to say something for those who couldn’t speak up themselves.

I am 27 years old, which means I have 3 years to go before I hit the big THREE ZERO. What that means to me is that I have so much time to fulfill my dreams! The world is my oyster, and everyday I wake up with new ideas to create and inspire. What that means to many others though is:

  1. I need to have babies before 30, which means pregnant by 29.
  2. I need to have at least 2 years to settle in my marriage without kids, which means, marriage by 27.
  3. I need to have a year gap between marriage and engagement, which means, engagement by 26.

To them, I am a year past my expiration date. And the pats on the shoulder and mournful eyebrows start coming. “I am worried about you!” “You really need to start thinking about settling down.”

They mean well, but how can they have it so wrong? I absolutely LOVE my life right now. I’m not saying I’m not ready to settle down, nor am I saying I want to. I am saying with what I have accomplished, with who I have in my life, with all the drive I still have in me- a year past my “expiration date” doesn’t even make sense. Marriage is not the end all and be all of my purpose in life.

Men’s prime age is defined as “when they have achieved a good career” (54%) while women “when they are most physically attractive” (59%) across respondents.

-SKII expiration date survey

Is the happiness of a woman soley dependent on her ability to find a husband and make a family? Why are single men encouraged to succeed in their careers while single women are encouraged to take it slow and have a family? Shouldn’t we be the most equipped to determine our own deadline based on our physical, financial, emotional and spiritual capacity?

Among single men and women, 45% of women feel pressured to get married as compared to only 28% of men.

This is more pronounced in China and Japan where in China more than 6 out of 10 single Chinese women under 30 and 7 out of 10 Japanese women under 30 feel that finding a suitable partner for marriage is their biggest cause for concern about getting older.

So many of my friends are feeling social anxiety because of this pressure. The judgment and expectations of others make them feel inadequate and most horrifying of all, unhappy- no matter how successful they are. They don’t want to go out anymore. They don’t want to excel anymore. They feel unwanted and undesirable- even when they’re absolutely beautiful.

We live in a world where we are made to fit in a mold- even if that mold is old and broken. We live in a world where even when we’re contented, we’re told we shouldn’t be. Even when we’re happy, we’re told we’re not quite.

Let’s start the conversation and challenge the norms. Encourage each other to marry on our own terms- because we want to, and not because we have to. To live our own lives, as best we can, and not feel the need to judge lives different from ours. Take a stand, and be proud of it!

#changedestiny #INeverExpire #inpartnershipwithskii #skii
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42 Responses to Women have Expiration Dates?

  1. Cyndrel says:

    I am SO gonna share this on my FB wall. I had cut off my ties with quite a number of friends AND a few relatives because of this issue. I am just trying to live my life the best way I know how, and just because it doesn’t involve marriage, kids, awesome house, shiny cars and an epic career doesn’t mean I’m NOT happy or contented. When would people understand that marriage is optional??? Jeez!

  2. Teesh says:

    And it’s really weird too. One moment, I get out of college and everyone just says “o wag ka muna magaasawa ha” then I turned 24 and everyone’s been asking “o kailan ka na magaasawa?”. I’m turning 26 in a few months, and if I get 100 for every time I get asked when I planned to get hitched, or that I should start thinking about having babies, I’d be flying business class all over. Ugh

  3. Charlote says:

    We should live our dreams at whatever age we’re in! Thanks for this post, Kryz!

  4. Allison Mok says:

    PREACH IT Kryz!!! I love this blog post so much and feel so passionately about everything you have spoken about. I am strongly for woman empowerment and not needing nor having to conform to societal norms. Women can dictate for themselves when it is best to have a child or get married (if they choose to) on their own terms. I am ready to be an older mom and I believe this will best benefit my future children.

    I have followed your blog for years, and you are doing amazing work. It is so wonderful to see your growth as an individual through your blog. Thank you Kryz! You are such an inspiration :)

    • Kryz says:

      Thank you Allison! In the same way, those who choose to do so at an early age- I applaud you! We should get to decide what time is right.

  5. Janine Conde says:

    Wow! Same pressure I experienced. I’m 26 and many of my friends, church mates and colleagues are either married or getting married this year. Everyone was telling me to enter marriage as well. They were all rooting for me getting married and finding MR. RIGHT with the standards they had in their minds. I’m compared to this married friend and that engaged friend. I’m so sick! They thought I’m the most left behind human being.

    With what you just shared, I felt empowered once again. Daghang Salamat Kryz.

    From Cagayan de Oro with love

  6. Kasia says:

    I am 30 years old (this year in march), I have handsome husband (he turned 32 this year). I work in City Hall in Promotion Department in an average size town in Poland. We had our wedding for almost 2 years ago. We have no children because we don’t feel it right now. I don’t feel it. I’m very positive person, really like to travelling, tasting, taking photos, eating (I weight 53kg/1.70m ;P) and stroking my cats 😉 It’s nothing bad with me. I just like how it is. But sometimes I’m feeling overwhelm with others’ questions and grouching that the time is passing by and the most ideal time to have children is right after the wedding, if you want it later it is more and more difficult. I don’t know.. I’m really sad because of this talking. I’m really happy when I eat a pancakes’ tower but when I remind the words of other people I’m getting sad..

    • Kryz says:

      Hey Kasia, these people are just trying to look out for you, but I understand the feeling of being pressured and unsure. I also believe that things happen and fall into place in their right timing, so when you feel you are ready, that should be the perfect time for you!

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