3 months ago

Real Talk: My Eye Surgery Story

 

What is it like to be a super skinny, chinky-eyed girl in a world that was once overly exposed to a limited definition of beauty?

Not too empowering.

I remember when I was younger, I believed that to be beautiful meant you had to be:

1. White

2. Sexy

3. With bright, colored eyes.

Media wasn’t much of a help as they only heavily advertised women with these attributes and media representation leant towards Western beauty.

Growing up, I attended a Chinese school here in Cebu. My classmates, teachers, and other faculty members mostly (if not all) had Chinese blood in them, so it was quite strange that I still felt ostracized or criticized for being or looking “too Chinese.” I was too embarrassed to learn Hokkien from my grandmother because I was scared people in school would make fun of me even more. All the popular kids sort of made this whole culture a joke, and so I all I wanted was to disassociate myself with it. I’d hear comments like “Insik gyud”, or “Pikot mata” and many others of the sort that really made it difficult for me to be proud of my heritage. This was back in elementary school, when we didn’t have access to the internet and when people were far less open minded and exposed.

Thankfully, I was raised in a very loving and encouraging family that allowed me to take the  jokes and “bullying” lightly. I took the high road and brushed them off like it didn’t mean anything, when deep inside, it kind of left a dent.

Harsh words hurt. And no matter how many times you try to ignore it pretend they don’t matter, it stings.

As I grew older and became more exposed to the world outside school, I became more and more conscious of myself and how people see me. When I went to photoshoots or got my make up done, the artists would always try to “correct” my eyes instead of enhancing them, making me really believe that what I had was not something people wanted.

“Is it really that bad?” I would ask myself this question repeatedly.

I started to secretly hate myself for having eyes like these. I started to look at myself like how these people looked at me – like I had a mistake on my face that needed some correcting.

As my insecurity got worse, I tried to pile on all this makeup to hide my eyes. That’s how I learned to play with eyeshadow. For those of you who have been following me, I know you’ll remember me as the girl who ALWAYS put on smokey eyes. In my defense, it was a big trend back then, but I was on a completely different level.  I always went out with dark eye makeup, heavy eyeliner, and thick false eyelashes – even to the beach. CRAZY, I know.

I’ve obsessed about this one trait, and completely lost sight about the rest of who I was. My eyes didn’t define me, but that was all I could see.

I had monolids – and people who are like me almost have no eyelid folds and it makes our eyes smaller.

When I decided to get my first surgery, it turned out to be a little tragic. I have consumed a lot of information on eye surgery and tried to calm myself with the things I learned, like it wouldn’t look well after surgery right away, and there will be swelling… but part of me is just not convinced that it was done right.

When the same doctor told me that he indeed had gotten it wrong, I just panicked. I know I had to go through surgery again and it made me feel so bad and depressed. I discussed more about this in the vlog below.

Meanwhile, I came across Pony’s confession video, and I just really stared in shock as I related to her story so well. This inspired me to be open with you guys and share what I’ve gone though in the hopes of helping girls out there in the same situation as me. Though this happened, it really helped me feel more confident and generally more positive

Over the course of time, I realized that self-love means being proud of who you are and taking care of yourself for your happiness – and not for anyone else. That’s what I always try to tell you guys. YOU DO YOU and NEVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL LESS THAN 100%. If you want to dress up, dress up! If you want to change something about yourself that’s affecting you so strongly- then do it! I’m thankful that we’re living in a more open world today, and that we can use platforms like this to inspire others out there. This message resonates so hard with me that it’s actually what February Lifestyle is all about as well. Celebrating individuality by promoting the idea that IMPERFECT IS PERFECT and that we should always FIND BEAUTY IN THE ODDS.

I’m 29 and I’ve embraced the fact that unlocking your true beauty means loving each and every part of you that makes you different.

It’s not an easy thing to do – but in the end, no one can love you more than you love yourself.

So cheers to all of you, strong beautiful women – no matter what they throw at us, we’ll thrive in style.

 

32 Responses

  1. I’ve noticed in the later make-up videos you’ve put out how easily you’re now able to put eyeliner (and make it appear like you’ve had one on) when I remembered a make up tutorial you’ve had before how you shared how much you had to put on just for the eyeliner to show.

    The curiosity passed my mind but I honestly never thought (or cared to think) about the possibility that maybe you’ve now had your eyelids done. I love and stan you for who you are, what you stand for and the for the beauty you have from the inside that it never crossed my mind to put malice on the things to decide to do or not to do. Double lids or mono lids, you’re still the same person, with the same beliefs, the same depth, the same positivity and we, your fans, are here for all these things that you radiate. I’m super happy you’ve done something to make you love yourself even more. ♡

  2. I’ve noticed something different when I saw your old pictures, but I couldn’t figure out what was it, not until today.

    Btw, you are beautiful even before. I admire your courage and transparency. Thank you for always encouraging us to love our own skin and to do what we think is best for us even if it meant going under the knife.

    “Whatever floats your boat”.

  3. Love you Kryzzzie! 😍 I noticed your eye too but I just ignored it anyway. The important is that your fam, Slater and your friends supported your decision. As long as it makes you happy then go. We have the same eye situation my left eye has small fold the other eye has big fold. Every morning when I wake up, when I open my eyes its not even but when I blink and blink it eventually look normal.

  4. Gwapa ghapon uy! Love you ate Kryz. ❤️
    Hope to meet you in person.
    Cge jud ko tanaw sa imong mga vlog.
    Mkalingaw basta bisaya!
    Fighting and Godbless you and kuya Slater as well. 🙏🏼

  5. When I saw the title I first thought you’ve had laser vision correction done. 😉 So this was a real surprise.

    Thanks for talking about this! You are always inspiring and so positive. To an extent, I might probably imagine what you must have experienced while in school; I was the only Asian at primary school, among tall, blonde, blue-eyed pupils (who were giving me hard times sometimes), so my almond-shaped eyes were probably my least concern. At boarding school, however, that wasn’t a thing anymore. I’ve found your blog like eight years ago because thanks to the Internet I could “connect” with other Asians, which helped a lot, and of course I’ve come to terms with my looks and love my origin.

    Please continue being so amazing. 🙂

  6. Oww, but you look amazing right now! I did some reaserch over your blog, went to the last sides and checked it out how you looked earlier (I even didn’t notice that this look comes from the surgery, I thought that it comes from the maturity of your style, from the change that comes from the development and evolution through the years of your style), and yes, you maybe looked different, but if I go to my old photos, I look different too. There were different styles, different clothes were fashionable (we don’t wear it anymore). Yes, you prom-make up photos look like in a some heavy style, the hair aren’t so light and refined but you were younger, it was so, how you imagined it supposed to be, that was your style that time 😉 some long heavy hair but it was ok too. But through the journey on your blog I noticed some gap between years 2013-2016. Was there something that you didn’t want to share with the readers? Or you weren’t blogging that time? With love from Poland (in Europe! ) 🙂

    1. I definitely blogged throughout those years! It’s all there somewhere! We’re currently redoing the site so its a bit wonky!

  7. Hi Kryz,
    Thanks for sharing your story. Though I love myself, I have real bad droopy eyelids that are really difficult to manage at times, like putting make-ups on, tapes and etc. Your vlog did shed some light to me to get my eyelids done too. I understand the privacy of your Dr but would you be able to recommend clinics I can inquire about the procedure. Hope to hear from you. Thank you. More power and God bless you. More love 💕

    1. Hi Eden, I think the best way to find a doctor for yourself is really to consult with A LOT and find someone you personally trust. 🙂

  8. Waaaa. So very proud of you ms for being open and honest about it! I never thought you had your fair share of insecurities too but still you stood strong and you truly are an inspiration to all. Super agree ▶️ You do YOU!!!

  9. Hi Kryz! I’m an avid follower. I also have the same eyelid and would really want to have eyelid surgery. I just don’t know where should I have it done. I watched your youtube video and you said that you can’t mention the doctor’s name on your vlog. Can you send me a private message and tell me who the doctor is? I would really appreciate it. I was planning to go to South Korea to have it done but when I saw your vlog about eyelid surgery, I changed my mind and decided to go to your doctor. I hope you can share it to me. Please. Thank you!

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